3 Things I Needed To Hear Before Becoming a New Dad

I still remember seeing the blue smoke pop off into the crisp San Francisco air.

Nobody was present but the two friends we were staying with. No IG lives, no nothing. Just a fun little reveal for my wife and I. The sound ricocheted of the trees as we started shouting and embracing.

Something about the gender reveal took my future as a dad from an abstract concept to a hyper-real vision of a little boy running around our house.

There seemed to be a common thread as men I respected came forward to say how incredible it was to have children, despite being a challenge. But beyond those words the only other information exchanged on fatherhood was the question: "Are you ready to be a father?"

But ready for WHAT? Nobody bothered to tell me what I was actually in for.

I must have heard the same question 5000 times over the course of 9 months, and years later I finally put together a list of the 3 things I needed to hear before becoming a new dad.

1: Fatherhood is a thankless job.

The act of fatherhood itself is a behind the scenes gig. The kid won't thank you, your friends won't be particularly impressed, and you certainly won't get a ribbon for bringing home the bacon.

If your family is a movie – your wife is the star. Your role is a script writer or production designer: a role vital to the function of a movie but just will not be recognized in the same way your wife will be.

It was interesting, when I showed my wife this video she said that mothers feel the same way. Something I've thought about since that night is "pregnancy might be celebrated more than motherhood", and I need to make sure my wife feels appreciated for her hard work raising the children.

But for the sake of me talking to new or soon-to-be fathers: As a young father I just needed to hear that my effort was extremely important and appreciated, even if it stays behind the scenes and naturally receives less praise.

2: Fatherhood is the big league for time management.

As a new dad, I wish someone sat me down and told me that time management will no longer be a simple equation. I can no longer rely on habits, flexible schedules, or proximity to get things done. Just because you live with your wife – does not mean you will hang out with your wife unless you intentionally make it happen.

Working out has to be done at very specific hours of the day or the opportunity is lost, nights out with the wife require more planning and a babysitter, and non-monetary personal projects often take a back seat. I want to make things clear – there is still time for all of these things, but I just have had to learn how to control my time better.

If I don’t give up the good things – I won’t be able to make time for the great things. Welcome to the big leagues.

3: Fatherhood is the red pill from the Matrix.

Fatherhood brings extreme progression in the form of wisdom, empathy, focus, strength, and emotional intelligence – but to gain those benefits you must leave behind the comfortable, childless world you were living in.

The greater version of myself I see in my head can only be achieved through the physical and emotional challenges of fatherhood.

If I want the growth and power benefits of that red pill – I have to commit like Neo. I can’t fake dedicated time and attention with the kid. It’s in the sacrifice of free time and football games where the growth comes. The battles and trials I encounter after taking the red pill would have never been encountered in a reality where I took the blue pill, and that will make all the difference in my progression as a man.